Note - This should be the last post about the marathon. I hope I haven't driven all my photog friends away! Also, it is a bit of a departure from my normal, positive posts, however, do not worry - all is OK!
In a conversation with some co-workers, I drew an analogy of running this first marathon to childbirth (unfortunately, they couldn't personally relate - they were men - but I think they understood where I was coming from). I relayed that much like preparing for the birth of your first child, you prepare and prepare, not quite knowing what to expect. The day comes and there is excitement and then pain. Lots of pain. You finish and are filled with joy and accomplishment (in the case of childbirth, there is a much bigger reward - for a race, there is only a finishers medal). You forget about the pain and want to do it again. (Case in point - I'm signed up to run the Chicago Marathon in October).
Then, like a postpartum depression, the post marathon pain and let down sets in. Your lower body screams with each step (don't get me started about stairs or chairs). You can't sleep (at least I couldn't). You wonder what you will fill your time with - you no longer need to get up for a 5:30 run, you no longer need to block out your entire Saturday for a long run and recovery. Life goes back to "normal", except you've forgotten what that is because training was normal for so many months. I realized I used this marathon as a diversion from some issues in my life - to fill a void I was experiencing. With that diversion gone, those issues were still there, staring directly at me, no longer avoidable.
I know all this sounds depressing and sad - but after a few rough days, I know things will be OK. There will be changes, mostly good, but several uncertainties have been clarified and I feel positive again.
So why the confession here? I don't like to post the negative aspects of my life, but I know others struggle with conflict and sometimes it's good to know you're not alone in all of this. Regardless of how things appear to the outside world, each person has his or her set of issues they are working out. I find the process of writing it all out cathartic, even though I'm now expecting a call from my mother inquiring about what is wrong (and really, I'm OK!).
I've been told I lead a charmed life and I think if we all examine ourselves, that assessment stands true.
So whatever ails me, I must be patient (and I am not), keep the faith it will all work out.
And sometimes I play this song - It's Only Life - by Kate Voegele
Tears are forming in your eyesIt's a new week and I'll hold on tight - I hope you do, too.
A storm is warning in the sky
The end of the world it seems
You bend down and you fall on your knees
Well get back on your feet yeah
Don't look away
Don't run away
Hey baby it's only life
Don't lose your faith
Don't run away
Hey baby its only life
Yea it's only life
You were always playing hard
Never could let down your guard
But you can't win
If you never give in
To that voice within
Saying pick up your chin
Baby let go of it
Take your hesitance
And your self-defense
Leave them behind, it's only life
Don't be so afraid
Of facing everyday
Just take your time, it's only life
I'll be your stepping-stone
No, don't be so alone
Just hold on tight, it's only life